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Always Thinking of Dad

It's amazing how often I think of this new dad situation.  (Catch-up here).

Despite his sorrow at losing his wife, and dealing with the weakening of his heart, he has a lot of power.   His current situation has brought out in him so much anger.  I get it.  It's just, I don't respond well to someone who is so angry.  I try not to take it personally.  I know when he yells he isn't yelling at me, but I happen to be in the room, and he happens to look at me occasionally, so how ever much I don't want to feel his power, I do. 

So, I just take it all in, reassuring myself that it isn't me he's mad at, it's Life.  But the thing is I would like to yell too, and not at Life, but at him!  But I won't.  I'll just sit on the couch, and revert back to being 9 yrs. old.  Confused.  Looking to my sister to try and understand what's going on, and wanting to run to my bedroom and play Barbies. 

He is feeling better, that's a blessing. 

Here's something that should be really interesting... my sister and I are going up to be with him again in 2 weeks... and our mom is coming with us.  He wants her there.  (Although he left, he's loves her, always will.)  Should be very interesting indeed.

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