I try so hard not to get upset at my dad. My grumpy ol' man dad. I take my mind to what he has been going through these past 3 years and I get why he's mad. I just wish that what my sister, my mother and I have been trying to do to help him through, to help him find some happiness, would work but it doesn't seem like our efforts are working. I haven't had my life, and livelihood, taken away from me. I can't relate to him on that level. I can only listen and watch him process what's going on.
3 1/2 years ago my dad's wife (not my mother) passed away during an operation. One morning my dad is taking time off of his job to take his wife to the hospital for a procedure that will place a stent in her heart. That afternoon my dad's wife is dead and he is on a downward spiral with his own health that will make it impossible for him to work - which is not easy for a classic "work-aholic". And, in 3 months time, he is told that he also needs to have a stent placed in his heart. Can you imagine what is going on in his mind?
My parents remained friendly after their divorce 30-some years ago so with this situation my mom was ready to lend an ear and help any way she could. My sister is Wonder Woman and Super Girl all rolled into one taking tremendous care in all areas. I'm like the side-kick, I'm Bat Girl, I assist and provide moral support. And when you're dealing with a very angry, sad person who isn't as strong as they once were support is necessary all the way around.
Dad needed to pick-up some forms that were at my house and he just left. Why is it I always want a huge glass of wine after visiting with him?!
I wish this hadn't happened to his life. I wish that he wasn't so sad. I wish his med's worked better. I wish he still wanted to be here - but he doesn't - which is something he talks about (too often for my heart). There are so many levels to this situation and I just try to ride the waves.
I can't make him want to live. I just wish, I wish... oh how I wish I could.