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Church Is Not The Place To Have A Wardrobe Malfunction

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Starting The Week Off... with a laugh

I finally lost the weight and was able to fit into a gorgeous pair of slate grey pants that I'd found at Ann Taylor. In my earlier attempts to wear these pants I found the back pocket outline to show way too much. It drew attention where I did NOT want any attention at all, so I cut the pocket out. (I think I saw Stacy London from TLC's "What Not To Wear" do it once.)

That was a while ago, so when I put the pants on yesterday to accompany my mom to her church service, all I was focusing on was the fact that I could actually fit into them. Finally! (The exercise is finally workin' for me!)

The time came for us to walk to the alter for Communion. I was in front of my mother. Imagine her surprise when she see's her daughter kneel down at the alter only to have a bit of butt cheek show where once there was a silk lined back pocket.

"Ann!" She loudly whispered "Pull down your top! I can see your bottom!" I looked over my shoulder at her 'What?!?' It appears the pocket that I so recklessly cut out months ago separates when I kneel or sit. Oh-my-God. I've flashed the congregation!

The Father comes to me and places a wafer in my out-stretched hands "In name of the Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost". I popped that wafer in my mouth so fast and grabbed the bottom of my sweater to pull it down to my knees.

The acolyte was next with the chalice of wine. What you are supposed to do is help them gently guide the chalice to your mouth with your hands. What I did was more of a nudge-with-the-chin-and-make-fish-lips to get the drink to my mouth. I was NOT letting go of my sweater!

As I walked away from the alter I apologized to my mom and silently prayed that no one else saw. Or, if they did see, maybe they would say "Hey, those exercises are really working!"

Have you ever had an unfortunate clothing experience in a most improper place?

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