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Have To Stay Positive

On a late morning this past October my father called to say that his wife had just died.  Abrupt.  To the point.  "Jan's gone." 

After the shock had worn off slightly we found out that she was in the hospital for a scheduled operation to have a stent put in.  Not long after she was wheeled into the operating room my dad was notified that she was gone.  She was 58 years old.

The shock of her passing has affected him intensely.  She did everything for him.  My dad lives 3 hours from us which makes a "quick check-in visit" difficult, however my sister and I have been traveling from Portland to Seattle to do what we can to help him settle.  These visits have been the most time we've spent together in years. 

Around the beginning of December my dad wasn't feeling so well.  He felt tired, but couldn't sleep.  He was losing weight.  He was anxious.  His heart... he knew something was wrong.  After checking himself into the hospital  and weeks of tests and doctors visits he has a diagnoses... he needs to have a stent put in.  The same procedure that his wife was to undergo less than 3 months ago is the procedure that he will be having this Monday. 

What a way to end the year.

I have to stay positive.  I have a tendency to shut down.  I feel so much that I can't take it and in my circuit overload I shut down.  I can look like I don't care but I do... I do.

I just needed to write this... to send it out into the blogosphere.  I just needed to

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