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It Would Be So Nice

When my child cries about not feeling she has a best friend my heart breaks.  I have tried so hard, for all her years, to help her understand what it is to be a friend.  I've opened our home to parties and sleepovers.  I've been the chauffeur, the baker, the 'what-ever-music-you-want-to-listen-to' mom.  However, she is a certain style of person and being with others is not easy.  She wants them to be around, yet she just finds it difficult to be with them.  She desperately wants people to come to her house but, when they are here, she prefers to play on the computer - alone - or be in her room - alone.  She's very comfortable and happy when classmates are at her house, she just doesn't want to engage with them. 

I was hoping by now she would find that wonderful friend that really "got" her, someone that accepted her unique ways and would laugh with her and help her feel better about herself, help her feel stronger.  Yet we are still struggling.  And I do mean 'We'. 

When I met her after school yesterday she had tears in her eyes.  She told me she had the courage to ask a classmate, who she felt had been distant, if they were still friends and he said "Uh, I don't know, whatever".  She asked if that meant "no" and he said, "Whatever, I guess."  Oh the deep discussions of 12 year old's.  Oh the clarity of their thoughts.  Oh how I want to hurt that little shit!!!! 

Ahem... *deep breath*

My daughter likes just about everyone.  She doesn't understand why people don't get her.

There have been various groups she's been a part of, sports teams she's joined over the years yet the lack of connection is still strong.  She has come so far with her school work, she is doing so well, that certain programs she qualified for since she was 5 aren't of use to her any more.  That's a huge success!  It's just the emotional support from peers that's missing.  And that can feel devastating.

It hurts so much when you know your child wants to connect with her peers, but she just can't.  I'm still searching for that magic formula.  I hope we find it soon.

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