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Hurt

The negativity of it all really gets to me. Crushes my heart.

I should be stronger by now.

I have known my child for 12 years. Her behavior hasn't really changed in those 12 years. She's always been intense, and often times, wearily negative. Her grouchy mood isn't due to all the wonderful hormones rushing through her body. Actually her attitude is the same, only now she's louder and taller!

I try to stay in the moment of her bad mood. Try to figure out if there's some way to get her through it and have it be over and done. Try to help her learn from it so it won't happen, or won't be so bad, the next time something triggers the emotion. But I have a terrible habit of going to the extreme with my imagination. What if she completely loses it and hurts someone, her little sister, herself.

I wish my mind wouldn't go there.

I'm just so tired of it. I've spent practically her whole life trying to find ways to make things easier, or better, for her. I feel that nothing has worked.

My heart hurts.

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