Scotch Tape Doesn't Belong There Ann!

Last month was National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and that put me on a train of thought --- Boobs. I've got 'em, and I'm glad. I do everything I've been told to do so they're well-cared for, be it mammograms, taking vitamins or choosing bras that keep them as far away from my belly button as possible. 'Come on girls! Getty-up!'

Years ago I had a fashion crisis that had me mistreating my boobs. I was going to a fancy gathering with my husband. We had been married a short time and he had yet to peak behind the curtain to see the wizard do her magic. He didn't need to know about the slips that were practically girdles. He didn't need to see how I removed hair from places it shouldn't be. And he definitely didn't need to see how I was making sure my 'temperature gauges' didn't poke through my light-weight dress. I was doing an old trick that my girlfriends told me about, putting tape over my nipples. That's right, good ol' fashioned scotch tape on my nipples.

Now, this move is an act of beauty desperation. What would I rather deal with tonight? Nipples poking out distracting all who glanced my way? Or, run the risk of someone hugging tightly and hearing the crinkle of tape when it wasn't Christmas? I chose the later.

My new husband and I met his employer and his co-workers for dinner at a wonderful restaurant. This was before children and in those days we lingered over our meals, and talked about life issues, world issues. Not like our current faire "So, what grade is Katie in again?", "Wow, they sure do grow up fast", etc.

At the end of the evening I was slipping out of my armor when my husband came in the bedroom. I turned around only to see him staring at my boobs, and not in a good way. 'What?!? You've seen these before!' I said. He came closer and said "Yeah, I've seen them, but what's on them?" Huh? Oh my gosh! I turned around to take the tape off, only I was so flustered that I ripped the tape off fast, and it hurt!!!

Needless to say, that week I discovered those lovely little creations called "Petals". Why-oh-why hadn't I sought these out earlier? Thank goodness I have them now.
My boobs thank me.

***First posted at Beautiful! Fabulous! Contributing writer ***

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  1. Ow! This is so funny. I constantly remind my husband how frickin' easy it is being a man. Drag a razor across your face and you're done. Being a woman involves ENDLESS maintenance... and very little of it us fun. (Bikini scaping? UGH!) Can you imagine if guys had to worry about headlights in a cotton dress? Oh who am I kidding? If they had 'em they'd put dancing spotlights on their chests.
    Great post! :)

  2. You definitely made it in time :) I am drawing tonight at 8 pm ET. And...we have a big November giveaway. Whoever drives the most traffic to our website wins a surprise gift. You have the right button on your page so you are in that one too :)

    Make sure to stop by every week and get into the giveaways...every Friday we have a new drawing.


  3. LMAO! That is something i've never done, hmmm...actually my hubby would probably encourage me to go without tape so he has something to stare at! ;)

  4. Just wanted to let you know you are on my leader board for our Big November Surprise Giveaway!

    Stop by and check it out :)

    -Meaghan @ GTB

  5. YIKES Ann ~ I'm cringing just thinking about it! I'm thinking of going in for a reduction personally ... my cup runnith over and I'm tired of buying new ones everytime. Damned things are expensive.

  6. That's hilarious. LOL Right now, I don't think petals would help me...I'm nursing my babe. GRRRR, nursing really brings out the "girls" and it's endlessly annoying. BUT...for the future, where do I find these..."petals"?

  7. OHhhh funny! You had the scotch tape, I had the band-aids! At least the band-aids had the tiny bit of padding there. Petals, huh? I gotta try some of those!

    Also, no GNO tonight?

  8. Totally Funny Post! I'll be back for more.

  9. When Miranda tried the fake nipples in SATC, I thought--I wish I could give you mine!! The worst for me was 10 years ago when I was trying to act professionally. If I didn't have a good THICK bra it was He-LLO LADIES!!


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