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Can You Make Someone Want To Stay?

Can You Make Someone Want To Stay? - Ann Again and again


I try so hard not to get upset at my dad.  My grumpy ol' man dad.  I take my mind to what he has been going through these past 3 years and I get why he's mad.  I just wish that what my sister, my mother and I have been trying to do to help him through, to help him find some happiness, would work but it doesn't seem like our efforts are working.  I haven't had my life, and livelihood, taken away from me.  I can't relate to him on that level.  I can only listen and watch him process what's going on.

3 1/2 years ago my dad's wife (not my mother) passed away during an operation.  One morning my dad is taking time off of his job to take his wife to the hospital for a procedure that will place a stent in her heart.  That afternoon my dad's wife is dead and he is on a downward spiral with his own health that will make it impossible for him to work - which is not easy for a classic "work-aholic".  And, in 3 months time, he is told that he also needs to have a stent placed in his heart.  Can you imagine what is going on in his mind?

My parents remained friendly after their divorce 30-some years ago so with this situation my mom was ready to lend an ear and help any way she could.  My sister is Wonder Woman and Super Girl all rolled into one taking tremendous care in all areas.  I'm like the side-kick, I'm Bat Girl, I assist and provide moral support.   And when you're dealing with a very angry, sad person who isn't as strong as they once were support is necessary all the way around.

Dad needed to pick-up some forms that were at my house and he just left.  Why is it I always want a huge glass of wine after visiting with him?!

I wish this hadn't happened to his life.  I wish that he wasn't so sad.  I wish his med's worked better.  I wish he still wanted to be here - but he doesn't - which is something he talks about (too often for my heart).  There are so many levels to this situation and I just try to ride the waves.

Smile.  Support.

I can't make him want to live.  I just wish, I wish... oh how I wish I could.

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4 comments:

  1. It is hard when our parents are in pain. My mother is normally pretty good about things, but she keeps getting herself pulled into the drama of my great nephew. She is the only one in the family who has not turned her back on him. She is way too old (90 in 4 months) to deal with his 18 year old LOSER drama. She lashes out at Tara and I when she is frustrated, angry, sad about him. I just try and do what I can to help her, without enabling him too much. It is a VERY fine line.! Hugs my friends!

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    1. Oh wow. (hug) right back at 'cha! I wonder why your mom chooses to be involved in his drama? And then lashes out at you?! I'm so sorry. How about we takes deep breaths and try to stay calm :->

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  2. Oh, I'm sorry your Dad is going through so much. Seeing someone you love in so much pain is just as painful. He's clearly trying to deal with this in his own way and there's not much you can do, except keep on being Batgirl. It helps, even if you don't think so.

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  3. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. This can not be an easy situation for you. I want to say just 'walk away' but that's not the answer. Not when you love someone with all your heart. Seeing them hurt, hurts you. Just be strong in your conviction and hopefully he will come around.

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