If you were young when your parents got divorced, you might have wished for them to get back together. I did.
It has been years, decades, since my parents had divorced. I've pretty much let go of the "getting back together" stage. I am forty-ahem -something years old after all and life keeps movin' on. I was so blessed that my parents remained friends. There really hasn't been much tension, as far as I know anyway, which is best for the "child", right? ;->
With my dad's wife's passing in October, and my dad's sudden failing health, my sister and I have needed to step in and take care of things. It's been very... um... weird? No, um... let's just go with weird, and yet very good.
My mom has been calling dad and giving support, hoping to set him on a positive path. (She's a fantastic person. I'm so lucky.) OK. Get this, right now my sister and I are going up to be with our dad this weekend and guess who is going with us? Our mom.
This should be interesting.
Mean girls don't just reside in Middle School, High School, College. When you think you are grown and can have mature relationships with people, there comes along a woman that, for whatever reason, just doesn't like you... and won't let you forget it.
I'm about to embark on a little business venture that I'm very happy about, but it brings up a memory from a past venture that still stings. Hey! How about I tell ya' about it?
There was a time when I was the President of my daughter's Cooperative Preschool. I absolutely adored my experience. I loved the schools message, I loved Teacher Cheryl, and I loved those that were on the school's board with me for 4 years. But ya' see, for whatever reason, there was one gal that just didn't care for me. Now, I'm not the kind that needs everyone to like me, I just couldn't figure out what the issue was so her attitude really stuck in my craw. (No. I don't know what a "craw" is, I just know this saying, so I'm using it.)
There I was, President of the Co-op by day, a Southern Living at Home "Consultant" by night. I loved the items the company offered but I hated doing home parties. Hated it. I wanted to be a part of the party! I wanted to be drinking wine, eating appetizers from Trader Joe's and pretending I was going to buy something. I didn't like being on the sales end hoping someone would buy the "Item of the Month". Well, the charming lady who seemed to not care for me found out that I was a S.L.A.H. sales person and booked a show. Hmmm... ok.
I arrived at her house with the best of intentions. Maybe it's all been in my head and things are just fine. I unpacked my display and got ready for my show. My charming (have you caught on that by "charming" I mean "bitchy"? ) hostess welcomes her guests and away we go. Ahem... ladies? I'm standing here, trying to begin my sales pitch. AHEM... ladies?? I love to laugh and be a little gossipy too but I would also like to get going and get outta' here. *This is all inner dialogue -- I'm not brave enough to actually say these things. I just stood there and looked at my charming hostess hoping she would catch on.
After a few minutes she says highly annoyed, "Oh you guys, Ann's trying to sell us stuff. We should listen." A bit of laughter happens and more wine gets passed around. That's when I knew that she had no intention of this being a true shopping experience. She just wanted to show some kind of upper-hand and try to make me feel like an idiot. Lovely.
I lasted 5 minutes.
When I arrived home I couldn't believe it. What was going on here? I was a grown woman yet I felt like all the popular girl's in class were making fun of me. "Dear Diary, you won't believe what happened to me tonight!"
Our next board meeting wasn't the most pleasant. It wasn't my fault. It really wasn't! But I have to say, it pays to have friends on the board who have really big dogs, and the means to get the keys to charming people's cars.
Hey, it's a Tuesday. Why not be all a Twitter? (groan? was it that bad? really? yes, yes it was ;-> )
Let's play at All A Twitter Tuesdays hosted by The Chickenista
So our neighborhood was notified that a Grocery Outlet - Bargain Market would be opening in the new year. I can't tell you how thrilled I was to hear this! And when I received my friendly Grocery Outlet postcard with my friendly notice of the friendly festivities for their Grand Opening I actually put it on my calendar. I knew exactly where I was going to be on Saturday morning.
Whoo Hoo! There was a giant "Wheel - o - Bargains". I spun and won a $1 off my purchase. Oh man I can't tell you how happy I am when I get money off my purchase. yeah baby. We were one of the first 1000 customer's so my husband and I received free Grocery Outlet - Bargain Market reusable bags! (Rob was so excited. Yes, he can be a dork sometimes too.)
What is it about this place? Most of the items are things that I've never heard of, or have any interest in, however I am drawn to it like a kid to a candy store. (Or better yet, like a wine lovin' mom who's found some good, inexpensive vino)
This store has festivities planned for the next 4 weekends! Guess where I'll be on Saturday morning? ;->
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I love my city. I love Portland, OR. Grew up here (moved away to the East Coast for 4 years - liked that very much), came home, got married, started a family.
Portland is odd. Portland is laid back. Portland is odd - oh wait, I said that already.
There's a new show starting tonight on the IFC Channel called "Portlandia". (Here's a delightful picture of the statue Portlandia herself as she sits atop the entry to City Hall...)
Kinda creepy. Kinda cool.
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We all know what makes us feel good... it could be faith... it could be the great outdoors... it could be fresh baked chocolate chip cookies... or, it could be...
Love this kid!!!
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It's amazing how often I think of this new dad situation. (Catch-up here).
Despite his sorrow at losing his wife, and dealing with the weakening of his heart, he has a lot of power. His current situation has brought out in him so much anger. I get it. It's just, I don't respond well to someone who is so angry. I try not to take it personally. I know when he yells he isn't yelling at me, but I happen to be in the room, and he happens to look at me occasionally, so how ever much I don't want to feel his power, I do.
So, I just take it all in, reassuring myself that it isn't me he's mad at, it's Life. But the thing is I would like to yell too, and not at Life, but at him! But I won't. I'll just sit on the couch, and revert back to being 9 yrs. old. Confused. Looking to my sister to try and understand what's going on, and wanting to run to my bedroom and play Barbies.
He is feeling better, that's a blessing.
Here's something that should be really interesting... my sister and I are going up to be with him again in 2 weeks... and our mom is coming with us. He wants her there. (Although he left, he's loves her, always will.) Should be very interesting indeed.
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Dad continued. (see here. then here.)
We needed to have dad at the hospital by 5:30 am. That time of the morning is not the norm for me. I did my best to lay out my clothes the night before so I wouldn't be shuffling through my bag all dazed and confused. But ya' know what? At 4:00 am I AM dazed and confused, I don't care how prepped I think I am. There isn't enough java in the world to get my brain on track. But that's ok. Being a bit numb while admitting your father for surgery feels just fine to me.
After he was all gowned and gurneyed we were told that the stent procedure would take about 45 min. so we headed to the hospital cafe for breakfast. My sister would rather be in the operating room, not waiting in the cafe, so we ate our breakfast bagel and headed back to the waiting room. Good timing. Our names were called for a post-op consult with the surgeon.
Wow. My dad's procedure was on the computer monitor. I was looking at my dad's heart. Wow.
We were told that the stent was placed however, that was not the issue. His heart is weak. Very weak. I thought the stent would fix it all and away we'd go. Let's get this blood flowing and get outta here!
Nope.
My dad is not the best patient. Let's just say that I now know which parent I take after when it comes to anger. Egads I would HATE to be his nurse.
I know he's scared. He's terrified. I get that, as much as I can anyway. We're reconnecting at such a stressful time. I don't really know what part I'm supposed to play. Daughter. Care Giver. It's difficult to make sense of it all.
Ahhh... I'm not going to try and figure it all out now. Day by day. Just be in the moment. I'll figure things out later.
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The night before dad's procedure he wanted to take us to his favorite casino, "Muckleshoot". (This is the Pacific Northwest so there are plenty of casinos. ) I have such a hard time gambling. I keep thinking that I could be doing something with this money... like buying groceries. When I look around the room I don't see many people that have the same quandry. *Flash* ding-ding-ding *Flash* coo coo sounds and bright colors. It's hypnotizing.
I think dad was able to forget about his procedure for a little bit. A teeny-tiny bit. A little distraction at .30 cents a pop isn't such a bad deal.
Today my sis and I head up to the Seattle area to stay with our Dad before he heads into surgery. 5:30 am check-in time. (ugh).
I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about all of this.
Due to a very sad circumstance our Dad is back in our lives. I feel individually we all have issues to resolve and I was anticipating some really good conversations when the shock of his wife's passing had subsided a bit. And now this. Now he's having the same procedure that his wife was undergoing when she was "lost" on the table. His mental space isn't in the strongest place. I don't blame him.
Can we give him a strong will to live? Can I help him understand that he needs to stick around because we have a lot to catch up on and a lot of memories to create. He has grandchildren that he needs to know, they are wonderful people, he should hang out with them. My dad has a lot to offer as well. From what I remember, he can be pretty cool.
I'm a bit numb. I'm trying to stay in the moment and be positive. I have a fantastic family. I'm very blessed.
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