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Have To Stay Positive

On a late morning this past October my father called to say that his wife had just died.  Abrupt.  To the point.  "Jan's gone." 

After the shock had worn off slightly we found out that she was in the hospital for a scheduled operation to have a stent put in.  Not long after she was wheeled into the operating room my dad was notified that she was gone.  She was 58 years old.

The shock of her passing has affected him intensely.  She did everything for him.  My dad lives 3 hours from us which makes a "quick check-in visit" difficult, however my sister and I have been traveling from Portland to Seattle to do what we can to help him settle.  These visits have been the most time we've spent together in years. 

Around the beginning of December my dad wasn't feeling so well.  He felt tired, but couldn't sleep.  He was losing weight.  He was anxious.  His heart... he knew something was wrong.  After checking himself into the hospital  and weeks of tests and doctors visits he has a diagnoses... he needs to have a stent put in.  The same procedure that his wife was to undergo less than 3 months ago is the procedure that he will be having this Monday. 

What a way to end the year.

I have to stay positive.  I have a tendency to shut down.  I feel so much that I can't take it and in my circuit overload I shut down.  I can look like I don't care but I do... I do.

I just needed to write this... to send it out into the blogosphere.  I just needed to

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9 comments:

  1. Just getting back to blogging this week and saw your post tonight. Thinking of you and sending good thoughts to you, your dad and your family.

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  2. Oh sweetie! You are in my thoughts. Write me if you need a shoulder.
    xoxo

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  3. I love how fearless you are. When my Mom passed away two days before my son's birthday my heart ached. When my Grandmother then died on Christmas morning the same year I shut down. I never wrote about how I really felt. I'm not sure I still can today. You are fearless.
    If there is anything I can do you know I'm here for you.

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  4. Hang in there Ann. 2010 was a brutal year ... 2011 will be much better ... we'll keep you and your family (esp your dad) in our hearts and thoughts.
    Please let us know when (yes, I said when), he's ok. Everyone is different and you know that ... but I totally understand how hard it is to stay positive in this type of situation.
    hugs
    sandy

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  5. Prayers for a smooth and uneventful procedure. Hopefully this will be a happy new year for you and your family.

    Stay strong

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  6. prayers coming across the blogosphere for your Dad. I'm sure he's nervous. I'm sure you are nervous. It only makes sense.
    hugs~!

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  7. Sending up a prayer for him. Please keep us posted.

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  8. I'm so sorry Ann, many positive thoughts and prayers to your dad and for your family! *hugs*

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