A Simple Comment?

During the long drive home from the Oregon Coast we made a stop at the Visitor's Center in Astoria, OR.  This sweet town just celebrated the 25th Anniversary of "The Goonies", which was filmed all around the town.  While looking at maps and souvenir shot glasses the guide at the Visitor's Center looked at my youngest daughter and gave her a compliment.  Very nice.  Then this person said "I don't know who she looks more like?  You look like your mom and a bit like your dad.  I don't know?"

My daughter just looked uncomfortable and tucked her way behind me.  I couldn't quite understand the desire to pin-point who she looked more like.  What does it matter?  For some reason this inquiry irritated me.

I was actually smiling and providing a "safety hug" when odd thoughts came to mind, what if my child was adopted?  Or, what if this child was from a previous marriage and either I, or her dad, weren't a birth parent?   This simple comment about "I don't know who she looks more like" could take a very awkward turn.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't share observations, this situation just brought something to mind. 

I don't know why I think this way... I just do.

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  1. I agree.

    And now, a little story:

    My daughter looked more like me when she was younger but as she aged she started looking more like her dad.

    Once at a family gathering one of her dad's relatives came up to me and said "no offense, but she is absolutely gorgeous, she takes after her dad!" Seriously? I WAS and still am offended. You could just say that she was pretty and not trash me at the same time. Ugh.

  2. LOL, once my brother arrived to visit with his wife. Both of them have dark hair, dark eyes, etc. Their son, who is adopted, is a complete towhead. My husband, who forgot my nephew was adopted, greets them by saying "wow, _____ doesn't look like either one of you, where does he get that blond hair?" Sigh.

  3. Some of the very best teaching moments for me and learning moments for my kids (or was it the other way around?) came from strangers' comments and just observing the public. Some people have said some really whacked out crap in front of or to my kids and I always used that moment to teach my children values, morals and Christian love. Any responses I had were at eye level with my child but in deliberate ear shot of the people making the comment. This was whether I was explaining that they meant no harm, or some people are just not nice because they have not experienced niceness. In this case, if my child was adopted and if it were me, I think I may have beamed that although she doesn't share our DNA, she clearly was the perfect fit for our family and thank the woman for the compliment.

  4. I'm not sure what I would have done but I do not think the compliment was nothing but a compliment. Obviously I always have the need to see good in everyone first.
    Our kids look mostly like my side of the family but some facial features of my son are currently changing. I just keep reminding them they are beautiful no matter what or who they look like.

  5. the one I hate? "you can't deny him" said to my husband while we were out shopping with our oldest.
    It's the same idea. Why would anyone want to deny their child (I know some do) but what if this was my second "husband?". My sister had a "situation" at the moment, I can only imagine the comments.


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