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Trying To Find Strength

I'm pretty much a 'go-with-the-flow' person.  If something feels right, than that's what I'll do.  If that queasy feeling comes upon me, then I avoid that situation.  But now I realize at this stage of my life, I need to take some action, queasy feeling or not.

Now, I have given myself challenges;  speaking in front of crowds for instance.  I was the President of a cooperative preschool for years and that position helped me realize that I can speak to large groups of people.  Also I learned I can deal with intense, personal emotions and situations while staying calm and focused on a positive outcome.  (Is that when my wine consumption increased?  ;->  ).  Oh, the stories I could share from those years.  Good Lord.  Why are some people so determined to be a pain in the ass?  Yep, I said it.  The new me!

Back to my thought...

I know that I've been afraid of taking a role in my life.  In participating in ways to make things... better.  One example, I've been afraid to take classes for fear that my brain just won't work.  The panic of high school memories comes rushing back and my heart pounds at the thought of being asked to conjugate a verb in Russian.  (My heart is pounding right now!)

I really need to push through, make a positive change, figure out what kind of person I am.

What do I want to do when I grow up?

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