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My Inner Dialogue

I found myself trying to justify my "Homemaker" status. It came at me out of the blue.
I was getting ready to leave a family gathering. After making my rounds with the hugs and kisses I was told "I'm really glad staying home with the kids is working out for you." uh-huh. I just kept looking at them, a little smile on my face, kind of stunned. I know they weren't trying to be hurtful but it just struck me. I started thinking about my cousins who are moms and have young children. They work outside the home part-time. They bring home paychecks. I don't right now.
My immediate inner dialogue screamed 'I volunteer at the girls school a lot. I write. I organize everything that has to do with the children, the house and cars. Justify yourself Ann!' But I didn't say anything. I felt worthless. I don't get paid for anything I do and that plays a big part in my self-esteem. I don't want it to, but it does.
UGH


Time for a little "Is It Wrong?"

1.) Is it wrong that all I think about while I'm exercising is what I want for lunch?
2.) Is it wrong to return a phone call when you know the person won't be home?
3.) Is it wrong to tell the annoying neighbor kid at your door that you're still having dinner when you finished over an hour ago?

OH! Hey! Guess what? I am going to be having a give-away! My first one! With support of the One2One Network I will be hosting a give-away promoting the new movie "He's Just Not That Into You". Details coming soon!

***I would love it if you joined me at Beautiful! Fabulous! Today's post "No One Told Me To Bring My Dancing Shoes"***

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21 comments:

  1. I get that crap from family and friends all the time. I just smile and say, "I'm lucky enough that I don't HAVE to work," and leave it at that. Trying to explain what I do to them (volunteering, church, etc.) is a waste of my time and they will never understand it.

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  2. I think we all have this inner dialogue.. I have a part time job to help with some of the bills.. Then my husband's company isnt doing well so I have stepped up my hours.. so I do the if I were home all the time or if I was at work all the time! I totally think about lunch when im working out!!

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  3. Even those of us cousins who work outside of the home Full-Time and have a child have that inner dialogue... the one that sends guilt because you cannot attend your child's music program, reading fair, or so many other things... the guilt of having him in after school care and feeling like you aren't doing enough.
    You do an important job -- make that jobs, Ann. You are blessed to be able to do so. So please know that you are important!

    (And I thought that I was the only one thinking of breakfast lunch and dinner when I'm exercising at 4 in the morning!)

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  4. You gotta love the comments that come with a little pinch on the side...
    I think you rock! So there!

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  5. Its a hard one to get your head around, I know...dont let people get in a position to judge you. File them in the appropriate place in your head: the place where assholes go to judge.

    Hope you can find a way to feel good about your current position with the "family business". If it doesnt make you happy, get to work on making a change!

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  6. I believe that all of us mom's have those conversations with ourselves no matter what our status, we tend to feel guilty about EVERYTHING. I work full time, at home (not self emp, but for a major corp), so during the day, my commitment is my job. I can be here when my child comes home, but there are times that I can't bring that paper you forgot or home school her which she really wants. I feel guilty because I am a single mom.... I divorced the EH due to addictions, etc, BUT she is the only person in her circle that does not know her dad (his choice..) No one else puts these thoughts in my head, everyone around me applauds me for the job that I have done, but for me I'm never quite good enough!

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  7. No, it isn't wrong to do any of those things, I do them all the time, so it must be OK, right??? :) And I find myself trying to justify staying home with the kids and not have a "real job" all the time....but wow, this is WAY more difficult than getting up & going to the office was. But I didn't have kids then, and I do feel for the moms who do it. Why can't we just all be supportive of each other! I do hear from some of my working friends that they're jealous of me. Well, I'm jealous of them sometimes too...

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  8. I don't think any of these decisions are easy and the "What if" game stinks. So I gave up playing it a long time ago. I am a SAHM but am able to schedual my "work" when I want. Very few people understand that I do work... Many, many mixed up conversations I've had with other moms. It is just too tiring!

    If your doing your best for you and your family you've done your job already?

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  9. I pretty much ONLY return phone calls if I know the person won't be home!

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  10. No. It is only wrong that you are exercising in the first place. Sit down and blog instead! Everything else is fine.

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  11. I've had that inner dialogue too! That's one of the reasons I named my blog Home of the Lazy Dog. It was a tongue in cheek response to family members who would say to me "Oh I could never be a SAHM, I would be so bored!"

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  12. When I moved to Germany and started languages classes, I was told (if ever asked what my profession was) to say I was a HAUSFRAU. Having just given up my career to follow the hubby across the Atlantic, it was a tough pill to swallow. Now, I don't care what people think. And when people ask me, I tell them I am a lady of leisure.

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  13. I was a SAHM for 2 years and those 2 years included ALOT more work than any 2 years of working in an office has.

    I have the inner dialogue going on like that all the time. Sometimes I mess up and let it slip out though...I have a bad habit of talking to myself :)

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  14. the only thing i ever feel some guilt over is not having money..mainly for myself lol but seriously, it should never matter what anyone thinks of the path you take in life, it should only matter to you. if it makes you happy, then keep doing it, right?

    to those who are getting told that stuff, too...you know they're secretly jealous cos they can't stay home. hehe :)

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  15. Three thoughts race around in my head (they have to hurry up, because my kids need the computer for homework):

    I used to be a part of the MOMS Club. Our motto was, every mother is a working mother.

    Memory that still makes me say Grrrrr: man who asked me, on first meeting me and hearing that I'm a stay at home mom: "Oh. What were you before?"

    Experience that will always make me say Grrrrr: "you're so lucky you were able to stay home with your kids!" My answer: It was a CHOICE, doi, and it involved trade-offs. No second car, for years, just for a start.

    Whew. Thanks for the vent. Almost as good as a VGNO!

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  16. Hahahaha! I love your 'is it wrong' - I'm totally there with you!!!

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  17. Ann, my beautiful, wonderful Mommy friend...I have been in your shoes. No job is harder than being a full time Mom. I get the reverse comments now that I am the working one and hubs stays at home. "So sad, you have to work and not spend time at school." "We thought you moved away...we never see you." People will comment either way, but trust me, if I could do what you are doing? I'd do it in a heartbeat. No job has bigger rewards and you are a GREAT MOM. You can see it in the pictures of you with the big smile on your face...you are happy. Don't sweat the comments.

    Also, I exercise in the AM and dream of bagels I can't eat. :)

    Hugs,
    Mary Anne

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  18. Why are SAHM's discredited? Why are we thought to be worth less than the Mom's that work? I work hard to run my home, take care of the kids, dogs, and hubby! Whew...it's no easy task. I am the housekeeper, operations manager, chef, referee, coach and boo boo healer. Heck, I should be making $200K with a bonus!

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  19. The way that was said might have hit me a little funny too. But, SAHM's rock! Your is it wrongs sure sound familiar!

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  20. you know what's amazing, is that people (women) are jealous if you get to stay at home.

    I think it's one of the most wonderful gifts you can give your children, however I only realized this after I became a mother. I used to think (and don't shoot me) "don't you want to do something more?" But the reality is, raising and teaching a child all about life IS more then any job could ever be or give you.

    But yes, i find it hard to say I'm at home with my son, i'm just a mom to those of my friends (lots of them) who don't have children. But, Karma is a B*tch... they'll get it.. eventually.

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