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It's OK, Women Do This All The Time

As I sat on the edge of my tub with a glass of wine in one hand and an Epilady in the other I wondered, "Is this really a good idea?" My sister recommended this tool. She called it a "Rip-A-Lady" and said it worked great. I know she just loves it, but am I up for this?

I started having flashbacks of how I felt getting my ears pierced. Not good. When it was time to put the real earrings in, after the required 6 week waiting period, I sat on the floor in front of my hall mirror and nearly fainted. Not just once, but every time I tried to find the back hole in my ear. I would get woozy, look away, take a deep breath, and try again.

As that familiar feeling of woozyness came over me, I was thinking the event called for more wine. Or, perhaps an epidural. (Does the company make that too?) I'm not very good about inflicting pain on myself and here I was ready to rip the hair out of my skin.

I enjoyed a nice glass of Chardonnay while I soaked my legs. I put on nice music, lit a few candles and took many deep breaths. 'It's O.K.', I told myself, 'Women do this all the time'.

My courage finally kicked in and off I went, to defollicle myself. And just as I revved up my Rip-A-Lady my children returned home from their trip and needed to use the restroom, Pronto! Oh for the love of all that is good in this world, WHY do we live in a house with only 1 bathroom?!?

I was frustrated at first, but then I felt relieved. I really didn't want to use this handy little tool and now I had been saved by my children's weak bladders. I believe this was the Universe's way of helping me out. The Universe, and a couple of Big Gulp's.


(***First published at Beautiful! Fabulous!. Contributing Writer***)

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22 comments:

  1. Oh sweet Mary...

    It was a beautiful scene you drew...beautiful woman...dry white wine...candlelight...bathtub...then she ruthlessly tears the hair from her legs.

    I quote Big Bird...One of these things is not like the other.

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  2. No! No! No! Do.Not.Use.The.Epilady!!!Major pain!!(Like you)

    Did you really faint just putting replacement earrings in already pierced ears?

    I used the same "piercing" earring to poke 3 extra holes on 1 ear and 5 extra holes in another ear. Then shoved a bunch of random earrings. That popping sound when it pokes through is really cool. Feeling woozy?

    Teenagers do smart sh!t sometimes don't they?

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  3. Oh Man, they really do hurt. I had one in high school and could only endure about 10 min before I had to give up. I still have a few bare patches thanks to those 10 minute sessions. Too bad I couldn't handle more. Now, there's just no time.

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  4. I would never be brave enough to use such a thing!!

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  5. I think I will stick to my razor

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  6. So glad the universe sided with you on this one... it is worse than waxing!!!!

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  7. Back away from the Epi ~ NOW! There is no, I'll say it again no amount of wine to help you through this if you go through with it. May I suggest permanent hair removal? More expensive but once your done ... your done.

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  8. Oh my goodness, do they still make these things?? I wonder.....

    OK, I want you to do it first and then let the rest of us know. The one time I tried to do home waxing I ended up bleeding in places that should never.

    You first!!

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  9. Stick to the razor! I tried my friends epilady and it hurt like hell.

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  10. Don't use that devil's tool! Your kids saved you! Just stick with the wine. :)

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  11. Back when I first started using computers, Leisure Suit Larry was a (shall we say) "mature" video game that was quite popular with the geeks who worked at my father's coputer company. Anyway, the way to lose Leisure Suit Larry was to be captured by the (very simply drawn) Amazon women, and you knew you lost when they got out the Epilady - the worst possible torture endurable in the universe.

    When I grew up and tried the machine, I agreed.

    Why would you purposefully torture yourself?

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  12. Ouch - that was a close one. I think about alternative hair removal treatments and then I remember that shaving doesn't hurt (usually). I really like your blog and can't wait to read more. I found you through SITS :)

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  13. Wow. You actually almost used one! I was WAY too chicken to ever give it a go. I won't even try NADS to self-wax.

    I have been so out of touch and can't believe I've missed the latest GNOs. Damn.

    Love the new header! Especially because it gives you props at the home of the original GNO!

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  14. If I was faced with the epilady, and hairy german man legs, Id choose hair german man legs.

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  15. From your sister who said, "use this and loving called it a rip-a-lady for a reason"! The wine does help, but honestly I haven't used it for many years and I called it that for a reason!

    I did have my legs waxed, for the first time, for a recent trip to Cabo. Oh my goodness or oh my !@#$#%@. In the end it was worth it and I believe I would do it again since I truly have a 5 o'clock shadow.

    I'm looking forward to the glories of menopause when your hair is supposed to be thinner. There has to be some benefit!

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  16. I have tried everything but the epilady...waxing (ouch), laser hair removal (ouch + expensive + GREW BACK!!) and am now resigned to be lifelong friends with my razor. You are perfect just the way you are, why torture yourself?

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  17. Don't do it, Ann! I hear it is NOT GOOD. Just shave and then drink the wine (drinking and THEN shaving could end badly).

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  18. Don't do it, Ann! I hear it is NOT GOOD. Just shave and then drink the wine (drinking and THEN shaving could end badly).

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  19. I just happened upon your blog. You have me cracking up.

    I have some friends that love and rave about their rip-a-ladies. Call me a weenie because I don't care. That kind of pain is just not for me!

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  20. I tried that thing years ago and it ate my leg. Now I opt for the safe and friendly Nair but with winter approaching I like a little 'warmth' ;)

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