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Keep Your Hands To Yourself

Do you ever wonder why you do what you do?

Why you choose to say this instead of that? Why did I drive down this street instead of that one? Why am I going to the store again when I was already there this morning? Well now I'm wondering why I chose to wear something.

Why, before answering the door, did I choose to put on my new lip gloss? Why did I pause to apply, for a stranger, my lip-plumbing lip gloss called "Sexy Mother Pucker"? I'm thinking this as I go to answer the door. I panic and wipe the lip gloss off on my hand then open the door.

Rosemary, from a fancy bathtub company, is here to help me turn my tub from a germ-ridden, lead producing mess into a palace of porcelain. (Or really acrylic somethin', somethin'.) We shake hands before she unfolds her traveling presentation. While Rosemary is talking to me I realize that my hand feels funny. I try to itch it, thinking it must be a bug bite from my recent yard work. I finally catch on that it's the lip gloss that I wiped off. It's starting to make my hand all tingly. I feel so awkward. I do my best to focus on what Rosemary is telling me, when I realize that she is rubbing her right hand on her leg. I try not to stare but I know that her hand is becoming numb as well because I shook her hand with my lip-numb-gloss stained hand when we met.

I wanted to laugh, but no. This is serious business. I need my bathtub refinished and I've numbed the hand that could help me. Perhaps her hand will stay numb while she's giving me her quote!

(First published at Beautiful! Fabulous!)

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16 comments:

  1. Good Lord! What happens when you put that on your lips!? Do they blow up like Jessica Simpson's? Ouch! Did the numbness go away enough to get your business taken care of?

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  2. Hello Hello - Found you on MomBloggers. Great to meet you. So are you still getting your bathtub refinished despite the lipgloss incident?

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  3. You've numbed the hand that could help you...funny stuff

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  4. Ahhh! What brand is that? and why does it numb you? So many questions.

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  5. Did she charge extra for the hand gloss? Is refinishing that much cheaper than demo and redesigning the bathroom the way you really want it?

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  6. I can think of a couple of people I don't care too much for that this would be great payback for...like my ex husband...before he sees his new girlfriend...can you buy it in bulk?

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  7. Caroline- it's SUPPOSED to plump your lips, but it really doesn't.

    Kate & Blarney - We aren't getting the tub done by this company. Their prices were CRAZY! Blarney I think we are going to do it ourselves. It sounds like you've been through this? Am I right? If you have stories to share, please do!!!

    Jo-Jo - Thanks! Thanks for laughing at my pain. ( ;-> )

    Deanna - HEY!!! Way over in Spain!!! We miss you. Lily has been planning for Kyla's arrival for weeks, so, I hope Kyla like's parades in her honor!
    Now, I bought this lipgloss at Target, but I don't think they have those in Granada. Do they?

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  8. I cracked up when I read this on B!F! and I laughed again today. The name of that lip gloss is just too much. Imagine being in on THAT idea meeting? Now there's a fun job!
    :) Robin

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  9. LOL!!!!! I am amazed that you did not ask her if her hand was numb! How funny!

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  10. Hehehe. That's funny.

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  11. That just cracked me up!!! I have a lip plumper that makes my blood pressure go up! I hope the lady was okay and you are getting a new tub for a fair price. Funny story - thanks for sharing.

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  12. Because of how my mind works (which is far from normal) I read this and could only see it as a Mad TV skit. I mean I can SEE the whole thing. Oh the downside to lip plumping gloss. I suppose the gloss can't tell a lip from a hand...are you thinking what I am thinking? Just what else could it plump? Can I buy by the gallon and see if I can put off the breast life for another year?hmmmmmm :)

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  13. And this is why you just leave the lips ALONE!!! Be your fabulous self, even if it's for a stranger! Cause you be sexy like that!

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  14. That is not lipbalm, it's KY! - jk. Seriously, not good, I wouldn't be too comfortable wering that stuff!

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  15. Oh my gosh... that is hilarious!! But does it plump your lips?

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  16. That was funny! I wonder what was going through HER mind as she's trying to make a sale and she's losing feeling in her hand...seriously, I would have loved to hear her inner dialogue!

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